More than just the sun...

It is the "Sunset".

Without a doubt, it's my favorite thing to see and feel every single day.

To make more sense, here is the elaboration.

Sunset? 

It's been my favorite for like... Forever. 

Since I was a child, I had always thought that the sun was chasing after and setting for only me... I even wrote sunset as my favorite thing in personal diary when I was around 8 or something. However, my mom crossed it out and replaced by sunrise by stating that things that go down are not good. 

I was also buying that idea. I never really thought about the beauty of sunset even though that warmth of the sun setting embrace and give me the feeling that no such thing could.

It's been not too long ago that I've started to take photos of sunset views... Around 3 years ago, I guess. But because it's just too beautiful not to ignore, it's become my addiction now to watch it setting down and make some shots since memories last.

If you ask me, "why do you prefer sunset than sunrise?"


You see, unlike the sunrise that goes up, becomes hotter as time goes by, and make everything so clear, I prefer sunset. Put it in this way. Sunrise is warm at first; it is even struggling to brighten up my day.
But look, the more it shines, the more it rises. It is way too good for me.

"I like broken things and imperfections. They are much more interesting. So by chance, if the sun is broken down everyday, it is much more beautiful because it proves that an imperfect thing can be loved as the way it is."

Oh well, there's no need to even compare.

AND YES, if you ask me again, "What is the most thing you like about sunset?"

I can tell you without a hesitation.

"I love sunset simply because of one reason. It dies every night for the love it lives for. I guess, it is the moon."

If ever I got a man, he would be my sunset. Soft, warm, alluring, and real.

But not to die for me. No, I don't like that version.

And I would be his moon. Cold at times, but will never leave him to brighten up this world alone.

=]

Tee hee!!!

Crush is fun... as long as you don't fall in love.

This article is written based on another favorite author of mine... I forgot her name... In case of plagiarism, here is the credit, and I am apologizing in advance.

So.... Let's get started.

Everyone must have at least one crush in their lifetime.. that crush can be just a crush, first love, love for the lifetime, or the worst nightmare. LOL.

It all starts with a glance, believe me. First impression is very crucial in building almost everyone's crush thingy feeling. Once you see that person again and again, you begin to have emotional interest and start to have a little happiness within yourself.

Some exceptional cases are being investigated on how people can even get a crush on someone when they just meet for only one time, or even some develop that feeling when all they see the other person is a profile picture and activities on social network.

Anyway!! I will continue my hypothesis here.

Crush??? That feeling is damn good.

After seeing that person repeatedly, no matter it's in the school, or work, you begin to have a habit of seeing that one.

You have that little zoo inside yourself (mention about butterflies is too mainstream) every time you see that person.

You feel hyper... like seriously. You begin searching for that one's basic informations. Seeing how cute he/she is, you tell yourself how glad you are to have him/her as your crush.

Just a glance from the distance can make your day. If you guys' eyes meet, you would go crazy inside. And you would tell this to brag to your close friend, and how you protect him/her from being criticized.

BUT!!!!!!! IT IS JUST A CRUSH, NOT A LOVE.

Crush is someone you adore, but if you cannot make them mine, you still feel fine inside.
But falling in love is a whole different thing.

When you love someone, you cannot go on a day without thinking of them.

That excitement becomes anxiety, and disappointment within yourself.

You do not need to investigate in a fun mode anymore because you have known that person enough already since you have given your all. 

Only a small thing means a lot to you... You will give hope to yourself hopelessly. 

And the worse case is.... THAT PERSON DOES NOT LOVE YOU BACK.

You will lose sleep thinking of that one like an idiot.
People around you have warned you that just take it as a crush, but now it's too late.
Tears are falling down like in drama... So dramatic!
Unlike crush, you would pray that one would love you back.
Tell yourself, "If this love only exists in my dream, don't wake me up."
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Love takes lots of more time for a person to move on than a solely crush.

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But this article is only about one sided-love only. To those who develop from crush into a relationship successfully, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU DID IT!!! ^^

You know why the author tells you not to fall in love?





"Because everything that falls, get broken." -Taylor Swift-

Named as "a parent", but always has been "parents"

June 22nd, 1996

On that day, a baby who was raised with love has lost her father.... and that loss means forever.

...... and that baby is this writer.

I never knew what my father looked like... his height, his face, his warmth, his father love to me... not even in a blurring memories. I just figured out his appearance when my mother let me see his pictures when he was young.

Losing a father is tragic enough for a child like me, but have you ever thought of my mother? She has lost her beloved husband, whom she thought she could rely on him for the rest of her life. 

From that minute onward, she knew she has to be strong, because it was the only choice she had.

So, she has done everything she could. Raising a child alone, improving the business for my better future, going back and forth since dawn till night. I could never bear the hardship like she did.

Of course, I never received father's love, and to be honest, my mother did not give so much love to me too because she had full responsibility for the whole family, and it was very hard for her. But one thing to be sure, she has always been my "parents".

From what I remember from my childhood, she used to bring me to school only the first 3 days. I was so little to know the world that time, but strangely, I got this feeling that I had to be strong and independent. I know I'm always alone after all. 

Emotionally, I sometimes got so lonely because I am the youngest in the family and I also got no one to speak with, but it has become my habit now. What I thought was worse has become a better outcome for me. I was always jealous with those who have siblings and they got to play with each other, but now I'm used to be alone.

Anyway, let's back to my mother. For the last 17 years, she has been raising me so well. Even though she was alone all these times, she proved everyone that a single mother can be better off, too. She is my inspiration, a motivation to push me more and more until I become someone she can rely on someday.

For me, I think I need to develop myself in every aspect to be like my mother, and somehow, I can never make her upset with anything because I am the only creature she cares about the most.

Even though sometimes I want to violate her rules which made for me, just thinking about her devotion to me, and those thoughts just fade away. 

Absolutely, mother-daughter relationship cannot be good every time. We still argue about small things and big things. And the worst of them happened when I was around 14 years old. I was really ruthless and daring. I nearly killed myself one time because of my stupid thought that I never got enough love. I starved myself for 3 days, and eventually, she became soft and consoled me. Thinking back to that time, I just wanted to kill my mentality. I made her so upset many times.

So, right now, I'm just trying my best not to disappoint her with my study and proving her that my dream is not impossible. I just want to make her proud of her only daughter and tell the world that I'm her very own daughter who is good enough to take on her dream.

....... I often have this thought..... That what if my father was alive and he gave me love like other children's fathers do, but I just smile and tell myself that this world just cannot be fair. We gain some, and lose some.. Even my loss is a bit bigger and more cruel since when I was just born, I need to accept the truth, and I don't think he's aways from me because he's always watching me from up there. Especially, my mother is always here for me, and I don't think I need anything else besides her.

Her devotion for me, I just don't deserve it, and I never once think that I can repay her back. I just want to make sure that after I'm stable with my life, she is the one I must take care of for the rest of her life.

What's my dream?

I don't really know what, where, and how to start describing things that I've been hiding and imagining alone for years. So, please bear with my writing in case I go out of control. Alright, let's start, shall we?

I think I remember my childhood well enough to know which year that I finally realized what is my goal for life. I used to gang up with guys in my neighborhood and did many role plays as if those activities were real. I used to think that maybe I was meant to be a hairdresser, a stylist, or many more jobs that related to what I did with those guys. I had no particular goal. I had no plan. I had no dream.

Until one day, when I was around 7 years old, my family members were having a dinner together. As we were eating, mom saw a black woman in her suit and delivered speech for the United Nations. Then, she said, okay Pich, you should grow up and become like her. I did not even know that woman, but strangely, I felt that from now on, I have a mission for my whole life now.

"Ambassador, you have to become one", my mom said. Yes, that was her ambition. But now, it's mine.

When I was in grade 5, I was assigned to write a paragraph about my dream, and I wrote about my ambassador-wanted dream. I got 10 points. That was the first time ever. I knew what I really want to be.

However, since then on, I did not really tell anyone nor pay much attention to it, because it was too abstract. I believed it was more like an ideal job, than a real one. But it does not mean that it's out from my mind.

Until I was in grade 12 and chose a major for my university, then I chose a bachelor degree in art at IFL, and accidentally saw another major, which is DIS (Department of International Studies). I did not know what it was, but it was so interesting that I decided I should give it a try.

I never thought that I could pass the entrance exam. Being one of DIS-ers is my pride, and it is even greater to know that I'm actually chasing my dream for real now. As time goes by, I have understood enough how much I love my major, and dream. I am feeling that I am walking on a right track right now.

However, nothing is going perfectly in this world. Things get tough at times. As we have grown up more and more, we also have realized how dirty this world can be. And, a stack of cash can also give us headache about what to choose; our dream or our comfort in the future.

Honestly, I am in a dilemma right now. Probably, being an ambassador is what I have ever wanted in my life. But obstacles are there for me. I need to understand how far I can go, and whether it will eventually become true for me or not. Because on the other hand, I can just drop DIS and start a business with easier life.

So, what's my dream? You know already. But maybe I should ask another question, what do I really want in my life?